Lola Luscious and the Doom Machine
by DJ Caligula
Summary: COMPLETE! Space babe Lola Luscious, in her fight against a mad scientist, finds she must contend with none other than the strong, silent, mysterous, intergalactic ironclad hunk BOBA FETT !
1. Opening blurb

"HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF" or, LOLA LUSCIOUS AND THE DOOM MACHINE.  
  
***  
  
Lola Luscious- the most famous pilot of the age! With her tawny blond mane that thousands upon thousands of men pine to run their hands through and daring plastic bikini that seductively accentuates her divinely voluptuous figure, she's out to save the galaxy!  
  
Her mission: fly to Tau Ceti and hunt down the infamous mad scientist, Doctor Zartholemew Arne... whose evil, nefarious scheme is to DESTROY THE KNOWN UNIVERSE!!!  
  
But little does she know, the evil doctor has hired the galaxy's most famous bounty hunter to track down the galaxy's most famous pilot!! Little does she know, the strong, silent, mysterious, iron-clad galactic hunk BOBA FETT is after her, bound and determined to bring her back to the wicked lunatic ZARTH ARNE! 


	2. Introducing our intrepid heroine

"Wow! Moving on the floor now babe you're a bird of paradise/ Cherry ice cream smile I suppose it's very nice/ With a step to your left and a flick to the right/ You catch the mirror way out west/ You're know you're something special and you look like you're the best." - Duran Duran  
  
In the depths of space, against the backdrop of millions of stars, around the blue, cloud-wreathed world of Metaluna, orbited a small, sleek, compact spaceship with a metallic pink sheen. The spaceship was the K.I.T.T.Y. II, owned by none other than the famous pilot and agent for the Metalunian government, Lola Luscious. Throughout the whole Gamellanic Quadrant, the brave and beautiful Lola had distinguished herself by capturing scum and villainy of over fifty-seven varieties. With audacity, she had rescued Princess Desta and defeated the wicked Amoeba Gang who had kidnapped her; with intrepid courage, she had seized and imprisoned the infamous traitor Bosko Florin, renegade policeman and seller of important state secrets to the evil King Botha-Wan of Nergada; with her nerves of steel, she had even brought in interplanetary mobster, druglord and criminal kingpin Malco Kain on charges of income tax evasion. However, at that moment, in solitary orbit around her home planet, Lola was doing nothing other than sitting on the toilet.  
  
She was daydreaming, something she usually did while using the facilities. She saw herself not in a cramped bathroom, sitting, bored and lonely, on a cold metal space-toilet, but running down a grassy hillside in the snowcapped mountains of Alpa Helva, wearing a flowered white dress and singing as birds wheeled and twittered happily in the blue sky above. And then, in the distance, she saw HIM… the one… her true love… a smile on his face and sunlight glinting off his hair. She ran slowly towards him, her arms outstretched and her blond braids gently swinging on either side of her radiantly smiling face. When she finally reached him, she looked into his eyes, the eyes she had always dreamed of, and… and…  
  
"Hello. You have reached the answering machine of Lola Luscious. I'm sorry I'm not here right now, but please leave your name and number at the tone and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Good-bye, and have a wonderful day!" BEEP!  
  
"Lola?" A concerned voice rang out from the vid-phone, from the main cabin. "This is President Mengele. Please contact me as soon as possible. We have a very important emergency here and-"  
  
Abruptly, Lola snapped out of her reverie. Holy craters, it was the President himself! Calling her? Usually she only heard from his secretaries or advisors! Gasping, she jumped up, tore off a wad of toilet paper, wiped herself, pulled up her thong and hastily washed her hands with lavender-scented soap. Not even bothering to dry her hands, she threw on a short silk robe and ran out of the bathroom, water spattering on the shag carpet. Not looking where she was going, she bumped into the console, and as she staggered, panting for breath, she somehow managed to salute the image of President Mengele of Metaluna on the vid-phone screen. "Mr. President! Excuse me, while I, um, catch my breath…" Her face was bright red as she hurriedly rearranged the folds of the Leia's Secret™ robe that clung to her gentle yet dangerously curving body. "I wasn't expecting you!"  
  
"I can see that, Lola. I'm glad that I am able to… see you." The mild-mannered president reddened at the sight of her undressed state, but made his best attempt to politely ignore it (although considering her proportions, that might have proved to have been a somewhat difficult task). He cleared his throat. "This is a matter of the utmost importance- you must see to it without delay!"  
  
"What is it, President Mengele? What do you want of me?"  
  
"I want your, ah, support…" His eyes flickered away from her bosom. "Your support in this matter is crucial. People all over the globes- I mean, um, globe- are looking at YOU, Lola Luscious, for help! No one else with your breasts- that is, bravery- is available to save us from this impossible situation that we now find ourselves facing!"  
  
"What is it, Mr. President?" Lola gently prodded him. "What happened exactly?"  
  
"Zarth Arne," the President blurted out. "Zarth Arne has disappeared!"  
  
"What?" She cocked her head in confusion. "Can you say that again?"  
  
"Certainly." Nervously, he wiped his brow. "The scientist Zartholemew Arne has broken out of the San Galooly maximum security prison!"  
  
"THAT Zarth Arne? That crazy old weezbat?" She gasped. "Oh no!"  
  
"Oh yes! And he has broken back into his old laboratory... to steal his monstrous invention, the DOOM MACHINE!"  
  
"The Doom Machine!" In horror, Lola clasped her hands to her heaving bosom.  
  
"Yes, the DOOM MACHINE! He has now fled with it to the Tau Ceti system... where we have just been sent a communiqué." President Mengele's voice trembled. "Dr. Arne has proclaimed that he shall DESTROY THE GALAXY if he does not receive a google number of credits by the time span of ten megasplurtz! You must capture him, Lola, and end this madness!"  
  
"But Mr. President," she exclaimed. "Isn't the Tau Ceti system in the domain of the evil Empire? That is far beyond where even our most valorous Metaluna traders even fear to venture! I might be captured, or imprisoned, or suffer indignities EVEN WORSE, at the hands of the villainous Imperial forces!"  
  
"Indeed you might; for the risks you run are great. But you must succeed! For all our lives depend upon it. Believe me, I do not ask this lightly. Yet you... YOU, Lola Luscious, are the best pilot in the galaxy! You are our only hope!" The President then shook his head slightly, as if he'd heard that phrase somewhere before.  
  
Overwhelmed, Lola gave her snappiest salute. "Yes, President Mengele! I shall do my best!"  
  
"I pray so, Lola... for all our sakes!"  
  
Before the vid-phone transmission ended, he quickly added that any information they had to Arne's precise position would be forwarded immediately to her computer, leaving Lola to ponder her latest assignment. "Set the course for the Tau Ceti system, K.I.T.T.Y.," Lola declared at last to her ship's computer, as she donned a fetching black vinyl and plastic bikini, tastefully trimmed with pink faux fur. She put on her favorite thigh-high black boots, which flattered her muscular but sexy legs perfectly, strapped a laser blaster around her tiny waist, and surveyed herself in the cheval mirror that was installed on the restroom door. After she added a touch of lip gloss on her smooth, pouting lips, she tossed her tawny blond mane of cascading soft curls. She was ready to take on the universe, and save Metaluna from the forces of darkness! And nothing- or no one- would stop her!  
  
"Yes, Lola." K.I.T.T.Y.'s soothing mechanized voice filled the lush inner chambers of Lola's spaceship. "Though may I remind you that you have a date with Prince Argoz Lebon? You were supposed to meet him at the Yuppogleezian Transplanetary Country Club this evening. You know how the prince is especially fond of Yuppogleezian tennis."  
  
"Drat!" moaned Lola. "I knew I was forgetting something. K.I.T.T.Y., can't you just send him a videogram, telling him I can't make it? After all, I should think saving the galaxy takes priority over a mere date."  
  
"Yes, Lola. Processing videogram. Videogram sent."  
  
"Thank you, K.I.T.T.Y.!" The beauteous aviatrix smiled as she clasped her hands to her swelling bosom. "You're the best computer friend a girl ever had!"  
  
Argoz would understand, she told herself. At least he should understand- one didn't go about saving the galaxy every day of the week. Lola gave a sweet sigh and gazed at herself in the mirror. In any case, if she was going to save the galaxy, it was important for her to look her best. Of course, that didn't take much, with her smooth complexion and delicately bronzed creamy skin. She proceeded to put on Galactic Mist Purple eye shadow and was applying mascara to her long, thick eyelashes, when the vid- monitor was suddenly filled with Prince Argoz's angry face.  
  
"Lola! There you are!" The golden-haired prince was as handsome as the time she met him at Princess Desta's cocktail party, but his space-tanned brow was creased and his full mouth was twisted into a petulant scowl. "I just got your videogram. I'd like to know why the devil you're canceling our date!"  
  
"I'm canceling our date because an assignment has just come up, Argoz. It's dreadfully important. The mad scientist Zarth Arne has just escaped from prison, and I must-"  
  
"Yes, yes, I've heard about all that rot. Mad scientists indeed. What I'd like to know, Lola, is when am I going to come first in your life? This isn't the first date you've cancelled, you know!"  
  
"I know, and I'm sorry about that, Argoz, but I've got a busy schedule-"  
  
"Busy schedule! Ha! That's always been your excuse, Lola. For the entire time we've been going out, it's always been evil emperor this, mad scientist that. Oh, I'm sure you have fun, chasing after hooligans with your zap gun, and playing capture-the-flag with rascals and rapscallions! But I've got a busy schedule too, and you don't see me canceling dates all willy-nilly now, do you?"  
  
She tried not to lose her temper. "So what are doing, Argoz, that takes up so much of your time? I didn't know that you had a job!"  
  
"A job?" He huffed, insulted. "I most certainly do not have a job! In case you've forgotten, Lola, I'm of noble blood. I have my responsibilities. Which is far better than any kind of ditch-digging endeavor undertaken by the average plebeian. I'd like to let you know that I'm very important myself, Miss I-Must-Save-the-Galaxy-or-Else-it-Will- Probably-Explode! It is important," he declared, his nose in the air, "for a man of my stature to attend all the best social occasions. Balls, banquets, soirees, weddings, funerals, pliohorse races… it is all very exhausting. My Rolodex is completely full, and my tailor can barely keep up with all the clothes I order for these occasions."  
  
"How exhausting for you."  
  
"It certainly IS exhausting. And nobody understands all the trouble I endure for the sake of my responsibilities. Not even you, Lola… the one girl in the world I thought would understand my pain. The one girl I have ever taken home to meet my mother!"  
  
Lola thought of Argoz' mother, the grotesquely fat Lady Bargila, and shuddered. "Dear Mama often asks about you," the prince continued airily. "She thought you were a very sweet girl. But I must say that she doesn't approve of how you choose to spend your time. And frankly, Lola, I agree with her. If we're ever going to marry, then I daresay it'll looked dashed odd for my wife to be running after every two-bit ruffian and space scoundrel this side of Beta Centauri!"  
  
Her petal-pink lips fell open and her sapphire eyes blinked with an emotion approaching horror. "Holy craters, Argoz! Am I hearing what I think I'm hearing? Are you asking me to… to marry you?"  
  
The prince's face became pained, and he tugged at his velvet collar as if it was becoming a trifle too tight. "Why, Lola... I've never made it a secret that I'm terribly fond of you. I've never met another girl who'd look quite so suitable as you in the role of princess of the house of Lebon. Even Mama thinks the same way."  
  
"How flattering," said Lola, her stomach churning.  
  
"Isn't it, though?" His smile had become insufferably smug. "So, darling, you'll need to think twice before you cancel another one of our dates for the sake of your playground heroics. Is it really suitable for the future wife of a Metalunian nobleman to be... well... one of those uppity, newfangled career women?"  
  
"Argoz!" Lola's spine stiffened and she placed her hands on her firm hips. "I've taken quite enough from you about my career. Is that ALL it means to you?"  
  
"Now, sweetheart." His voice became condescending. "I know that as a single girl, you need something to while away your time. Trust me, I understand that perfectly. But when you're my wife, you'll have plenty to do. Serving tea to Jaruzite diplomats... arranging Omega-lilies in the parlor... planning banquets and balls for Malavian New Year and Luperkalia Day..."  
  
"I won't hear another word of this." Lola's fists clenched. "I refuse to become a mere decorative piece of goods for your parlor! My career is not just, as you put it, 'something to while away my time.' I'm performing vital services for the good of the entire galaxy. I will not sacrifice it just for the sake of your bloated royal ego! So you can take your offer and marriage and- and SHOVE IT!"  
  
"If that's how you want it." The prince now spoke with glacial accents.  
  
"Yes. And what's more- I've always hated Yuppogleezian tennis!"  
  
"Lola, I-" Before he could finish his sentence, Lola, trembling, clicked off the vid-phone. Fighting bad guys was one thing, but big emotional blow- outs with boyfriends was quite another. Since they happened so often, she supposed she should be used to it by now; but whenever it happened, it always succeeded in utterly ungluing her the way nothing else in the galaxy could. "Oh, K.I.T.T.Y.," she sobbed, her chest heaving, collapsing on her chaise longue of pink fur, "why do my relationships always end so miserably? Isn't there a man out there who will respect me? Even just a LITTLE bit?" She sighed and gazed through tear-filled eyes out the nearest portal, which looked out on the endless field of stars. "I know there must be a man out there... who is dreaming of me the way I am dreaming of him. There simply MUST be!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Lola," K.I.T.T.Y. said. "I am only a companion computer fluent in over seven million forms of psychological analysis. I know nothing of human emotions."  
  
"That's all right, K.I.T.T.Y.," Lola sniffed. "Sometimes I wish I was a computer myself... and that all this hurting would stop! Oh, if my golden hair were only a mass of metal strands... my alabaster bosom an expanse of titanium... and my bleeding heart an indestructible mechanism of steel and adamantine. Oh, only then would my grief subside, and my yearning for love disappear! Oh, K.I.T.T.Y.!"  
  
There was a brief pause. "Course is set for the Tau Ceti system, Lola. Would you like to switch into hyperspeed?"  
  
Lola stood up, wiping her tears away, her jaw set with a new air of determination. She could save the self-pity for another parsec- she had, after all, a job to do. "Yes, K.I.T.T.Y. Go and do that." She went over to the control panel. "Wherever you are, Zarth Arne, I'm going to find you. Whatever it takes. Nobody can flaunt the laws of Metaluna and get away with it!"  
  
Shortly afterward, Lola's ship, the K.I.T.T.Y. II, arrived in the Tau Ceti system; she didn't run into any Imperial scouts or space-pirates, and the time was whiled away pleasantly enough, as the fair pilot listened to a compilation sound-crystal of R.A.F., Scent Organs, Tin-Tin Out, and other of her favorite synthoid-pop bands. Yet when the sole planet of the Tau Ceti system rose into view, Lola turned the crystal-player off; it was of the utmost importance for her to concentrate as she landed her ship on the planet's strange and inhospitable surface. Tau Ceti was a mysterious planet, its rugged terrain constantly shrouded by fog; all that was known about it, that it once was host to a great civilization that vanished untold millennia ago. All that remained of this once mighty empire were vast palatial ruins of milky crystal which, asides from the obvious ceremonial functions, also, some archaeologists claimed, served double time as bowling alleys. Such as it was, Lola was not thinking of this; not only had she never taken a course in archaeology at Metaluna U, she thoroughly distracted by the matter at hand. As she disembarked from the K.I.T.T.Y. II, she stared at the tracking mechanism on her wristband. She had entered the coordinates given to her by the Metalunian authorities; every prisoner on Metaluna was implanted with a tracking device, and Dr. Zartholemew Arne was no exception. As Lola examined her wristband with a ruby tipped finger, she deduced, with some satisfaction, that the blips emitted from Zarth Arne's tracking device were definitely coming from the north. "We'll be shipping you back to Metaluna in no time, Zarth Arne," she muttered. "And then we'll be locking you away until the sun goes supernova!"  
  
With her trusty blaster at her side, Lola began to make her way north, through the dense forests, marshes, and taiga that made up this forbidden land. She was glad she had changed into something more practical; although she still wore her boots, she had put on a hooded cape and a jumpsuit of ultrachrome, latex and steel, in recognition of Tau Ceti's climate. As she trekked through the wilderness, she tried to appreciate the beauty about her, such as the spectacular vistas of mountains and forests, and the strange, lovely wild creatures like the giant manul-cat, the three-eyed maral stags, the dire wolves and the albino mammoths; but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being followed. 


	3. Just who is that mysterious masked man?

"In touch with the ground/ I'm on the hunt I'm after you/ Smell like I sound I'm lost in a crowd/ And I'm hungry like the woooolf"- Duran Duran  
  
At that very moment, a man was gazing at her steadily with piercing predatorial eyes underneath the infrared scanner on his helmet's macrobinocular view plate. By the quickness of her steps and the nervous flickering of her eyes, the fair-haired female human seemed to have some awareness that someone was after her, but she clearly had no idea to what extent. As surely and quietly as the savage dire wolves that prowled these very forests, the man had stalked her since her landing; the scratched ancient armor he wore blended in perfectly with Tau Ceti's chilly fog-bound surface. She didn't know him, in fact she had no clue to his identity; but he knew everything about her. Her name, her life story, her biostatistics. He was always very thorough, when it came to scoping out his prey. It was to be expected- for, after all, she was the hunted, and he was the hunter.  
  
At first she tried to tell herself that she was imagining things, but it quickly got to the point that she knew she wasn't. Carefully pacing herself, and restraining herself from looking back, Lola made sure that it wasn't until she was out in the open, in an alpine meadow, that she allowed herself the luxury of looking behind her.  
  
"Holy craters!" she cried.  
  
An armored, helmeted man came bearing down on her, his jetpack roaring behind him. Lola whipped around, head first. With a smooth movement to his right gauntleted wrist, the dark mysterious man released a fibercord whip which lashed out at her like a venomous snake. With lightning speed and reflexes, she caught the whip; her center of gravity shifting with the movement of her hips, she wrapped the whip around her wrists, brought them close to her and, with the strength brought on by the sheer rush of adrenaline, swung the assailant around before he knew what had happened. He stumbled a few yards before regaining his footing.  
  
As Lola sensed he was about to draw his rifle from his shoulder- sling, she went to side-kick it out his hand, but instead he merely grabbed her leg, seized her wrist and whirled her around in a choke-hold. His muscular forearm snaked around her neck, and his left hand grasped her shoulder like a fist of iron. "Your days of freedom are over. You cannot escape me," he said through his helmet, in a metallic, lifeless voice.  
  
"Well, that's nice," she choked out. As she struggled to inhale, she felt the heat of her unknown assailant press against her; she could practically feel his heart beating through all that armor. She sighed and relaxed, as if to surrender, and then, when she sensed his grip easing slightly, she stepped behind him. Before he knew it, she squatted down, grabbed the fabric of his shin pouches and lifted him feet over head, landing him, with a loud thunk, on his buttocks.  
  
With a single scream of horror, Lola then bolted into the nearby forest. She wildly crashed through the trees and brush, trying to put as much distance as possible between herself and the mysterious hunter. Yet despite everything, all she kept asking herself was: "Just who IS that masked man?" It wasn't until she tumbled through a deceptive pile of leaves and fell into a deep, earthen-walled pit that it occurred to her that there might be more than one hunter in the forests of Tau Ceti.  
  
* * *  
  
She woke up in the darkness, only to find a painful bruise on her forehead and her arms and legs trussed up together like a Harani pig-dog being taken to market. "So it's out of one mess, and into another!" Lola told herself with a groan. Certainly her situation had gone from bad to worse. In the clearing in front of her burned a fire, and around it danced what could only be described as ape-men. On a rotating stake over the fire a great slab of meat sizzled and roasted; and from the way the hairy troglodytes were pointing at the meat, then to her, and finally to their stomachs, as they jumped up and down and grunted with an air of great expectation, she could only assume she was meant to be the next course. Ugh! She wiggled at her bonds. She could still feel her knife safely hidden in her boot. If only she could loosen the rope without the ape-men noticing!  
  
But before she could do anything, laser shots fired into the clearing. Many of the ape-men fell without a whimper, and those who didn't bolted, screeching like mynocks as they fled into the depths of the forest. The helmeted man who had attacked her earlier now advanced through the clearing towards her, his muscular build and tattered cape silhouetted against the fire, the flames flickering ominously off his helmet's black T- shaped visor. As Lola gaped at him, he quickly sliced through her bonds. But before she could thank him, he merely tied her hands together again with the rope, and yanked her up roughly. "Come," he said, in that dead, flat mechanical voice of his. "That won't be the last of them."  
  
And then all Lola could do was run after him, stumbling, as the man dragged her through the woods. Branches caught in her golden curls, and the underbrush tore at her skintight jumpsuit; by the time they reached a cave half-hidden by ongon saplings, she was panting for breath, her bosom heaving with exhaustion. As she glanced down at her clothing, she squeaked with dismay; it had torn badly. Large rips in the fabric showed bloody scratches on her white thighs, in addition to revealing the greater part of her flat, creamy stomach and a not insignificant amount of her bountiful cleavage. The man, however, was clearly insensible to her charms. He merely tied the other end of the rope that bound her wrists around the trunk of a tree, as he quickly went about setting up camp and starting a fire. So I've gone from being treated as a pig-dog to a pliohorse, thought Lola. Holy craters! Why doesn't he just put me in a stable while he's at it?  
  
"Excuse me," she called out angrily, "but just what do you think you're doing? If... If you think you can mistreat the representative of the Metaluna government like this, without any repercussions, well, then...then you've got another think coming! I promise you, sir, when President Mengele finds out what you've done, you're going to be in very serious trouble!"  
  
The man glanced up at her, and then with a contemptuous shrug looked back down into the campfire. "Your president can do nothing to me."  
  
"And why not?" Her cheeks flushed with indignation. "Just who do you think you are anyway?"  
  
The man stared up at her now. "I'm Boba Fett," he intoned flatly. The gods only knew, she thought, but he almost seemed insulted she'd never heard of him. She just stared right back. 'Boba Fett' indeed! An outlandish name, suitable for such an outlandish figure. In all her travels she had never seen such a peculiar looking man like the one that now sat before her. Although he seemed to be relaxed, with his elbows placed carefully on his knees, Lola wasn't fooled for a moment. Her captor was the picture of compact, coiled-up strength and ferocity, rather like a thylocine leopard on the verge of pouncing upon his prey. A scratched up gray-green breastplate covered his well-defined chest, and sleeves of tough gray fabric extended down his arms and covered what she was certain were bulging biceps and rippling cords of forearm muscles. Around those arms circled bronze-colored, weapon-laden gauntlets, while a utility belt was clinched about his trim waist, and well-stocked shin pouches concealed massive rock-hard calves. Lola eyed the braided scalps that adorned his right shoulder and inwardly shuddered. His tense yet weary body language described that of a man that had fought and killed countless others.  
  
Perhaps, the bounty hunter wondered idly, she had heard of his capture of the notorious heretic Nivel'Yippiks, a bounty that had netted him a record half a million credits. His fame had spread all throughout the known worlds- many citizens even as far away as the Panna system had known of the mysterious man in Mandalorian armor who had single-handedly caught the space pirate Bar-Kooda for Gorga the Hutt.  
  
"Am I supposed to have heard of you?"  
  
"I am the best bounty hunter in the galaxy."  
  
Lola tossed her hair. "Well, I'm the best pilot! But I've flown the length and breadth of the Smaller Gamellanic Cloud, and I've never heard of any such person with a name like 'Boba Fett'!"  
  
"The Smaller Gamellanic Cloud?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Fett. That's where Metaluna is."  
  
"That's not in the Galaxy."  
  
"What galaxy? You mean the Larger Gamellanic Cloud?"  
  
"No. I mean- the Galaxy. The galaxy that the Gamellanic Clouds orbit."  
  
Lola blinked. "But we aren't in THE Galaxy."  
  
"That's what I said."  
  
"So what are you trying to say? I still have never heard of you."  
  
"Which," he said with disgust, "is not surprising."  
  
"Why?" she exclaimed defensively. "How can you say you're the best bounty hunter in the galaxy when I've traveled all over the galaxy but never heard of you?"  
  
"In which galaxy have you traveled?"  
  
"MY galaxy!"  
  
"Your galaxy?"  
  
"Yes. That's what I said. My galaxy."  
  
"You have a galaxy?"  
  
"I certainly do have a galaxy. It's the Smaller Gamellanic Cloud!"  
  
"The Smaller Gamellanic Cloud is not a galaxy."  
  
"Of course the Smaller Gamellanic Cloud is a galaxy. It's a very nice galaxy too. It's a small and cozy one. It makes for a good place to raise children. Everyone says our school systems are excellent!"  
  
Although she couldn't see his face, she sensed he was losing his temper. "That still doesn't make it a galaxy. It is a star cluster that orbits the Galaxy. THE Galaxy. Which is the only galaxy that matters!"  
  
"Well, gee," said Lola, "that seems to be a very selfish way of thinking about it. I'm sure there's plenty of people in other galaxies, all over the universe, who think their galaxies matter too."  
  
"It is of no importance to me," said the bounty hunter with as much force as his mechanic voice filter could muster. "What is important is my payment tomorrow, when I deliver you."  
  
"Payment?" Lola echoed faintly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Who- if I may ask, Mr. Fett- will pay you?"  
  
"Zartholemew Arne."  
  
"Oh, my goodness," she said weakly, sagging against the tree. She finally roused herself. "You do realize what he intends to do!"  
  
"I don't know or care."  
  
"Mr. Fett, if he does not receive a google number of credits in the time he has specified to President Mengele, he is going to use his Doom Machine destroy the entire GALAXY!"  
  
Lola paused, and eyed her captor to see if her pronouncement had any effect on him. Contrary to her hopes, he seemed utterly indifferent.  
  
With a casual movement, he flicked a twig into the fire. "You mean he's going to destroy the Smaller Gamellanic Cloud."  
  
"Well, I-" She paused, confused.  
  
"I fail to see why that news should be of interest to me."  
  
"You fail to see?" Lola cried. "My government can't afford a google credits! Nobody can afford a google credits! If I don't arrest Arne, there's nothing that will stop him from using that infernal machine of his. Who cares whether he's going to destroy a galaxy or star cluster? Millions of people are still going to die in any case! Men, women, children..." She stopped. "But that means nothing to you, does it? Just as long as you get your money for bringing me in!"  
  
"I don't judge, I just get paid. That's business."  
  
"Is that right?" Lola heard her voice going up several octaves. "Then you're a pretty sad excuse for a human being- a walking tin can with a bank vault for a heart and- and as much honor as an unevolved amoeba!"  
  
At that last sally, Boba Fett finally stood up. "You know nothing about me," he hissed. He started walking towards her. "Yet you dare insult my honor." As he approached her, she almost expected him to slap her on the cheek, throw down a gauntlet and challenge her to a duel, in the style of noblemen in the old days. Instead, he roughly tore off the rope that bound her to the tree and threw her down on the ground.  
  
"If you stay," her gallant captor announced, "I give you my word I shall escort you alive to Zarth Arne tomorrow. If you escape, I also give you my word that I shall hunt you down and take your scalp." He folded his arms across his broad armored chest. "I'd get more if you were alive, but Arne said he didn't care that much."  
  
He paused. "And," he said quietly, "I always keep my word."  
  
Lola stared up at him, at the way he towered over her like the ancient fabled Colossus of Rhodacia. "Mr. Fett- I- um-"  
  
He looked down at her in silence.  
  
The thought crossed her mind that she could try to escape, but prudence warned her not to be foolhardy. Was that a flamethrower mounted onto one of the bounty hunter's gauntlets? And the gods only knew what other tricks he had up his sleeve. Her only weapon was her survival knife in her boot; she didn't even have her blaster on her anymore- the ape-men must have taken that. In any case, it was better to be safe than sorry. "Mr. Fett," Lola said fervently, "I promise- I give you my own word of honor- that I shall not escape from you while you are delivering me to Zarth Arne."  
  
"Very well," he said at some length, and he sat back down on his log, after tossing her a pack of rations. Lola dove into the freeze-dried food like a starving bantha. She could eat, stretch her legs, and warm herself by the fire at the same time! What blessed luxury...  
  
"Uh, Mr. Fett," she said at last, "I'm sorry I was so rude as to doubt your, um, honor earlier. It's just that the bounty hunters of my acquaintance have been, well, a trifle rough-"  
  
"Fine," he said abruptly. "Just stop calling me that."  
  
"Stop calling you what?"  
  
"'Mr. Fett.' Call me Boba, or Fett. Or Boba Fett. But not... 'Mr. Fett.'"  
  
"Well, if you like," said Lola, surprised. "But why not? 'Mr. Fett' sounds dignified-"  
  
"As if you're a good judge?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Think of what you call yourself, 'Lola Luscious.'" The last four syllables were uttered with a perceptible sneer.  
  
Lola flushed. "What's wrong with 'Lola Luscious'?"  
  
"It sounds like the name of a dancing girl at the palace of Jabba the Hutt!"  
  
"Jabba the what?"  
  
"Never mind. It's still a stupid name."  
  
Lola scowled. "As if Boba's any better? Back home it's what we put in our drinks!"  
  
It was Fett's turn to sound puzzled. "What?"  
  
"You know... boba. 'I'd like some some boba in my iced tea please!'" She found herself the recipient of an uncomprehending stare. "Oh, never mind!"  
  
"Yet I don't think," he replied, "that 'Lola Luscious' is your real name."  
  
"It isn't."  
  
"What is?"  
  
She blushed and looked down. "Lola Lushik."  
  
"What's wrong with that?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. I guess it just sounded too... ethnic. Too ordinary. I figured," she said hesitantly as she picked at her fingernails, "if I was going to become a public figure, I should have a stage name. Or a nom de plume. Or whatever they call it nowadays. I came up with my new moniker when I was going to Metaluna U and taking drama classes. I thought it sounded catchy. And cute."  
  
"More like cheap."  
  
"Mr. Fett! I mean... Boba... I mean, oh, I don't know. But it's my decision, isn't it, what I call myself?" She glared at him defensively.  
  
"It is."  
  
"It's nobody else's business, is it?"  
  
"It isn't."  
  
"It's my name! It's what I choose to known by. And no one else has the right to dictate what that name happens to be. I'm not going to be jerked around by somebody else's standards of respectability!"  
  
Fett said nothing; he merely looked at her.  
  
Confused and embarrassed, Lola at last lapsed into silence. Not wanting to continue this increasingly odd and uncomfortable conversation, she leaned back on a rock and attempted to get some sleep. She did eventually fall asleep, but not before she felt the hidden eyes of the bounty hunter staring at her, ever vigilant, over the flickering tongues of the campfire. 


	4. THE DOOM MACHINE!

"Stalked in the forest too close to hide/ I'll be upon you by the moonlight side/ Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo." -Duran Duran  
  
The next morning, Lola woke up with an aching back and terminally stiff joints. Not surprisingly, the bounty hunter was already awake- he was sitting on the log and looking at her with his usual impervious air.  
  
"Are you surprised to still see I'm here?" she asked, as she stood up (and tried not to wince as she did so).  
  
"No," he said pleasantly. "You don't seem that stupid."  
  
"Well, thank you!" Lola said with indignation. "I always like to be insulted, first thing in the morning!"  
  
"I am merely stating the facts. For a... reasonably competent warrior, you are very naive."  
  
"I am naive, for actually trusting you," snapped Lola, whose temper was not improved by the fact that she knew her hair was sticking up every which way, and that her make-up kit, curling iron and hairbrush was back in her spaceship. "Holy craters! I wonder what Commander Carolla would say if he could see me now! Don't answer that," she added hastily.  
  
"I wasn't about to."  
  
"Wow, I wish I had a mirror. I would feel so much better if I could look into a mirror. You don't have a mirror on you, do you?"  
  
"What," said Boba Fett with arctic chill, "makes you think I would have a mirror?"  
  
"I don't know. You seem to have everything else on you."  
  
"I do not have a mirror."  
  
"Gee, that's too bad. Well, I guess it makes sense. You don't seem to be the mirror-looking type."  
  
"The understatement of the millenium," Fett muttered under his breath as he watched her duck behind a bush- with some vexation- to relieve herself. She came back, wiping her hands on her thighs and muttering about the lack of hand sanitizer. "By the way, if you don't mind my asking," she said, after a pause, "don't you EVER take off your helmet?"  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"Because I've been staring at you in that thing for the past day, or however long it's been. Don't you get ever sick of breathing canned air?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Hmmm. Well, I shouldn't be surprised that you're not telling me anything. That's your stock in trade, isn't it, being enigmatic?" Lola glared at him defiantly. He said nothing, in a suitably enigmatic fashion. She continued: "I was merely wondering if you were a cyborg. It's not an unknown phenomenon back in Metaluna- people wearing helmets, or masks, because they don't want people to recognize them. Back home, that's a problem we have, unfortunately... you know, that sort of anti-cyborg prejudice. It's all very backwards. Anyway," she said, taking a deep breath, "if you are a cyborg, Mr.- ah, excuse me, Fett- then I want to let you know it's all right. Cyborgs are people too!"  
  
Irritated, he stepped forwards. "I am not," he growled, "a cyborg."  
  
"Really? You're not? Well, you could have fooled me! You sure don't act like you're meat."  
  
"Meat?"  
  
"Yeah, you know- it's Metalunian slang. 'Are you metal or meat?' It's asking someone whether they're a cyborg or a man."  
  
One of her delicate eyebrows was slightly raised in mockery. She's needling me on purpose, he thought, and with some effort restrained himself from wrapping his hands around the smooth white column of her neck and snapping it in two. He merely stepped even closer, close enough to see the rise and fall of her lush breasts, the pulse of breath at her throat, and the fearful flickering of her long eyelashes against the deep sapphire of her eyes. "I am a man," he stated harshly. "Not metal. Meat."  
  
"Well, that's nice!" Her heart thudding against her ribcage, Lola backed away. That black perpendicular shape on his helmet- what served as her captor's face- was discombobulating, to say the least. "I suppose that's part of your stock in trade too?" she demanded breathlessly. "Acting like metal, when you're not!"  
  
This time, the bounty hunter didn't even deign to answer her. He merely proceeded to finish packing his belongings. "Save your breath, Lushik," he said flatly. "It's time to go meet Zarth Arne."  
  
Lola trudged after him in silence for most of the way. She was generally an optimistic individual, but today her spirits were falling down to an all-time low. What a warrior she was, she thought disgustedly. Here she was, being hand delivered to the craziest doctor this side of the Gamellanic Quadrant! The only thing she lacked was wrapping paper and a fancy bow. It was all terribly humiliating. Yet at the very least she could take comfort in the fact that the bounty hunter reeling her in was a famous one who had clearly been working at the game for a while. It had to have set Zarth Arne back a pretty penny, to hire this man. This Boba Fett character didn't look like the sort to do anything on the cheap.  
  
"If you don't mind my asking- sir-"  
  
"What do you want?" He didn't even look back as he carefully made his way on the animal use trail that wound its way up the wooded slope.  
  
"I was just wondering... How much did Dr. Arne pay you, to find me?"  
  
"He hasn't paid me yet. But I signed on for 300,000 credits."  
  
Lola whistled. It was a pretty penny, she thought. Interesting Arne hadn't paid yet. Did he even have the money to begin with? Or was he going to try to double-cross Fett once he made the delivery? She wouldn't put it past the doctor, from what she knew of him. In any case, if Zarth Arne did try to reneg on his deal with Boba Fett, she wouldn't give a tinker's damn for his life. Look at the man: he was practically a walking armory. All those customized doohickeys he had on him... and that million- year-old looking armor... not to mention that helmet, and that screwy fetish he had for hiding his face. Holy craters! Lola sighed, staring at his muscled back. She just couldn't decide whether the man was more attractive or creepy. Attractively creepy? Or creepily attractive? You really know how to pick them, my dear, she told herself, gritting her teeth with annoyance, as she stepped over a rotting tree trunk for what seemed to be the thousandth time. Why couldn't she get the hots for nice, wholesome Metalunian boys instead?  
  
Gods willing, if she survived this whole mess- she really should think about finding a new line of work. Maybe, she thought, I should do what Mom always wanted me to do, and go into dental hygiene. It sounded dull as tapeworms, but it had to be a safer racket than trying to save the galaxy!  
  
But then, anything had to be a safer racket than saving the galaxy. Except for, perhaps, bounty-hunting.  
  
"We're here," Fett abruptly announced.  
  
"We are?" Lola stared blankly in front of her. "I just see a bunch of primrose bushes."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, the doctor doesn't live IN the primrose bushes, does he?"  
  
"Of course not! He lives on the other side of the primrose bushes."  
  
"Very well then." Lola shrugged, and, in the manner of her old drama teacher, made a sweeping, grandiose gesture. "'Go now, Horatio; I'll follow thee.'"  
  
He glanced at her coldly. "My name is not Horatio."  
  
"I didn't say your name was Horatio. I was making a joke. Oh, never mind!"  
  
Impatiently, the bounty hunter began to push his way through the mass of primrose bushes, allowing Lola to follow him, despite the thorns that clung determinedly to her disheveled tresses and the remnants of her costume. When they reached the other side, she gasped with surprise.  
  
"Wow!" she exclaimed. "Hey, this is pretty neat!"  
  
The Tau Ceti mists parted to reveal, beyond a field of wild grasses, the ruins of a immense crystalline complex of indescribably ancient and alien design. "That," said Fett, pointing, "is where Arne lives."  
  
"Hmmph." Lola scratched her chin. "It definitely seems to fit his delusions of grandeur."  
  
They walked across the field, and into what appeared to be the ruined building's vestibule. She stood there, peering about her in dread, when a sharp voice cried: "So Lola Luscious...we meet again!"  
  
Startled, she practically jumped out of her high-heeled boots. "Dr. Arne?"  
  
"Yes, Lola Luscious, it is I, your nemesis, Dr. Zartholemew H. Arne!" An imposing figure, draped in what looked to be bedsheets, stepped out the shadows. "You thought that putting me in prison would stop me? Well, you were wrong, my little space nymphet! I'm back, and ready to take my revenge!"  
  
Lola stared at the scientist before her. He was tall and scrawny, with a thin face, beaky nose, stubbly goatee, and red-rimmed plate-sized eyes that gave him the look of a junkie desperate for a jujubaine fix. She recognized him from the police files, and from all the pictures she'd seen on holovision, but she was certain she'd never met him personally. "Uh, I'm sorry, but you must have me confused with somebody else. I've never met you before in my life."  
  
"What?" Zarth Arne scowled. "You are Lola Luscious, aren't you? You're the one who arrested me!"  
  
"No," said Lola (who was used to the confusion), "that was Lara Lustrous."  
  
Jabbing his hands on his hips, Arne glared at her. "So why didn't that ass Mengele send her instead?"  
  
"They wanted to, Dr. Arne, but she wasn't available. She's going to massage school."  
  
"Well," he sneered, "they should've gotten somebody else. Instead of some fresh-faced, wet-behind-the-ears Academy graduate whose daddy paid for her education!"  
  
Lola's cheeks turned pink with indignation. "I am not, as you put it, 'a fresh-faced, wet-behind-the-ears Academy graduate.' I couldn't have afforded it! I went a state school- on scholarship, no less. Metaluna University. The same place you used to teach, in fact!"  
  
"Don't remind me!" snarled Arne, shaking his fist. "Those fools! Those poor, simple-minded fools! They'll regret not giving me tenure! I'll show them all- with my DOOM MACHINE! I'll show them all it doesn't pay to laugh at Dr. Zartholemew Arne!"  
  
"If you don't want people to laugh at you," she asked, "then why aren't you aren't wearing any pants?"  
  
Zarth Arne glared at her. "My what?"  
  
"Your pants." She sighed. "You're not wearing any pants, Dr. Arne."  
  
"Of course I'm not wearing any pants, you stupid girl!" Arne posed, in classic senatorial tradition, with his right hand extended and his left hand grasping the drapery that went over his unfortunately bare chest. "I am dressed in ancient fashion, to suit this ancient building. I am dressed like Gluteus Maximus, one of the greatest emperors of old!"  
  
"Well, it sure looks like a bedsheet to me. And what in the galaxy are those tree branches doing on your head?"  
  
"Silence, wench! You shall see," he proclaimed, "that my resources are far greater than your puny government's. I have hired the greatest mercenary in the galaxy, to track you down and leave you at my disposal!" With a small nod of his head and a patronizing smile, he finally acknowledged Boba Fett's presence, rather as if he were the lord of the manor and the other man merely one of his lowly vassals. "You're even better than they say you are, Fett. How did you get this cursed Metalunian agent to walk alongsides you, as peaceful as a rat creature cub?"  
  
"I have my ways," the bounty hunter replied tersely.  
  
"Well, come along now. Take the lady's arm and escort her inside. I still require your services." The scientist walked ahead of them, into the main hall of the ruined palace. "I shall show you the extent of the power and might of Zarth Arne- the new emperor of Tau Ceti!"  
  
With Boba Fett gripping her arm, Lola slowly followed Dr. Arne. Despite herself, she gasped with appreciation as soon as she was able to see what lay inside. It was truly splendid. All around her rose the remains of huge pillars, arched windows, and strange cyclopean statues of otherworldly proportions. Even the floor itself possessed the most singular design. It was split into two main levels- a smaller, slightly elevated level that was perfectly flat and decorated with lovely mosaics, and a larger, lower level that was subdivided into long, narrow corridors by strange little marble dividers. Even more interesting, the corridors led all the way down to the far wall, where they opened into their own small, dark, and separate alcoves. Peering about, Lola thought that there was something familiar about it all... but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.  
  
"Look at the magnificent architecture of this ancient civilization!" Dr. Arne's voice resonated against the stone. "Their art, their technology- the grandeur that was this lost empire! I have always been fascinated by the ancient Tau Cetians. Now I can at last relive their days of glory! With the help of their machines and their ancient manuscripts, I have built a robot... a robot I call TOBOR!" With a sweep of his arm so grandiose it would put Lola's old drama teacher to shame, he pointed at a huge thing, half-hidden in the shadows, that she had previously mistaken for a statue. "Tobor is robot spelled backwards," he added unnecessarily as he pulled a remote control device from out of the depths of his bedsheets. He pushed a few buttons, and surely enough, the monstrous robot creaked to life, with a hideous squealing sound of machinery. "Tobor, APPROACH ME!"  
  
"Yes, master." The brazen voice boomed throughout the building.  
  
Slowly, steadily, the robot moved towards them. Its progress was certainly alarming; every time he put down a foot, the whole building quaked down to its foundations. Lola trembled, and even Fett looked about ready to grab his rifle.  
  
"Don't be afraid." Dr Arne smiled unpleasantly. "It won't hurt you- unless, of course, I want it to!" He cackled. "Tobor is my ever-devoted servant. Aren't you, Tobor?"  
  
"Yes, master."  
  
"And you shall do everything I tell you to."  
  
"Yes, master."  
  
Lola gulped, as she stared up at the professor's creation. Tobor was huge- a gigantic, crude golem-like creature whose head brushed the very roof of the building. However, 'ancient technology' or not, she personally thought it looked like it was built out of space junk.  
  
"He's beautiful, isn't he?" Arne gazed up at his robot rapturously. "I am quite convinced the Tau Cetians were the most advanced beings in the universe. What a tragedy that they should die without the chance to impart their secrets to races younger than themselves! It is only because of a few enterprising scientists like myself that the lore of the Tau Cetians is not lost to time. Why, look at this hall we are standing in now! Just imagine, countless millenia ago, how it was used for purposes arcane, holy and mysterious. Those aisles yonder were where the white-robed priests would line up and advance, swinging their incense burners, chanting prayers and singing praise to the gods of war, magic and wisdom.... and those alcoves at the opposite end were where the sacrifices were at last deposited, for the delectation of the divine! Ah, I can just see it now! How appropriate that these holy grounds should now be home to my own laboratory, where I shall at last resurrect the glory of this lost and blessed race!"  
  
During this speech, Lola felt her attention wandering. As she looked around again at the aisles, the dividers and the alcoves, she finally realized just why the building looked so familiar.  
  
"Dr. Arne," she interrupted, "if you don't mind my saying so, I don't think this was meant to be a temple at all. It kind of reminds me of a bowling alley!"  
  
"What! How dare you think such a ridiculous thing! This is most certainly NOT a bowling alley. It's a temple of the ancient Tau Cetians!"  
  
"No, Dr. Arne, it's a bowling alley. I'm sure of it! Look! Those alcoves there- that's where the pin setters and the frame counters would have been. And those dividers- that's where they must've had the automatic ball return!"  
  
"No! NO!" screamed Zarth Arne, his eyes bulging, his face turning purple in fury. "It is NOT a BOWLING ALLEY! It's a temple, damn you! IT'S A TEMPLE!"  
  
"But Dr. Arne-"  
  
"No, I refuse to listen to another word from you! You sound just like my miserable colleagues back at the university. They too insisted that these venerable edifices were 'bowling alleys'! They are not! That is an insult to the very civilization of the Tau Cetians! THEY ARE TEMPLES!!"  
  
"But-"  
  
"You'd better agree with him," said Boba Fett in her ear. "Or he'll never shut up."  
  
"Good idea," she murmured, and took a deep breath. "Okay, Dr. Arne. Whatever you say. It's a temple."  
  
"So... you miserable, benighted Metalunian... you finally see the light of reason." The scientist took several deep breaths, his face slowly becoming less grape-like. "Now look," he demanded, "behind this curtain!" He strode over to the area where Lola figured the concession stand used to be, and which was now hidden by a huge dropcloth. "Now, Lola Luscious, let me show you what your government was so determined to shut down! This will be the last thing you're ever going to see!" Dramatically, he pulled down the curtain, revealing, on the ancient marble counter, a jet-black and ominous-looking machine that was lit eerily from within by a ghostly green light. "This is the DOOM MACHINE! It has the power to destroy the entire galaxy!!"  
  
"The Doom Machine!" Lola gasped, clasping her hands in horror to her heaving bosom.  
  
"The Doom Machine," the bounty hunter muttered, his hand hovering over some of the controls on his left gauntlet.  
  
"Yes! The DOOM MACHINE! Even whilst living on the backwards world of Metaluna, I had access to literature of the Tau Cetians. I alone was able to decipher them! I alone was able to recreate their weapons of that long-ago age! The wisdom of that forgotten civilization has become mine... ALL MINE!"  
  
"Wisdom!" Lola exclaimed. "You call that galaxy-destroying device an example of wisdom? Well, if that's wisdom then no wonder the Tau Cetians disappeared! It scarcely seems very wise of me, to spend all one's resources on weapon manufacture and bowling alleys!"  
  
"It is NOT a BOWLING ALLEY!" Zarth Arne howled. Outraged, his eyes popping out his skull, he whirled to the bounty hunter. "Kill her, Boba Fett! Kill her NOW! I shall then pay you the 300,000 credits. Your services will be at an end!"  
  
The bounty hunter nodded and turned to Lola. Her eyes grew huge, and her palms turned cold and sweaty. "Fett," she whispered hoarsely, "are you sure you want to do this? I-"  
  
"You understand, it's nothing personal." He pulled the blast tech rifle out of his shoulder sling and pointed it at her, with consummate professional ease. "It's business."  
  
"Face it, Lola Luscious!" Dr. Arne cackled. "You've failed!"  
  
"Not yet!" she cried. Her fists clenched, she whirled on Boba Fett. "Will you just do me one last favor? Ask for your money first. If you get it, THEN kill me!"  
  
"NO!" Dr. Arne screeched. "That isn't the way business is done!"  
  
"He's just saying that because he doesn't have the money," Lola snapped. "Once you kill me, he'll double-cross you so he doesn't have to pay!"  
  
Fett turned to Dr. Arne. "Is this true?"  
  
"Of course not! You fool, she's just trying to buy time! KILL HER! I told you I had the money!"  
  
Calling Fett a 'fool' was probably not the wisest thing to do, given the current circumstances. "If you do have the money," he said at some length, "then it shouldn't be a problem to pay me now." The bounty hunter surveyed his employer coldly.  
  
"I will not! Business is business! Killing first. Credit afterwards! How can I be sure you'll do it otherwise?"  
  
"You question my honor?" He gripped his rifle tighter. "I have never reneged on a deal."  
  
"Well, how do I know that?"  
  
"You know it from my reputation, Arne. Now stop stalling, and pay up."  
  
Zarth Arne, now frothing at the mouth and almost apoplectic with rage, pointed to the whirring black machine on the countertop. "You fool!" he screamed. "You blundering barbarian! You think I'll pay you a single credit when I'm going to destroy the whole GALAXY? Not just that pathetic Smaller Gamellantic Cloud! ALL OF IT! The entire Galaxy and its satellites! Metaluna, the Rebels, AND the Empire itself!" He threw his head back and began to laugh maniacally. "Everything except Tau Ceti! Where I shall be the emperor of ALL CREATION! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"  
  
Calmly, casually, Fett pulled the trigger of his rifle. There was a dazzling blast of light and a sickening thump as the doctor's body was thrown back to hit the Doom Machine. As the smoke cleared, Lola stared. Dr. Zartholemew Arne's head had exploded like a melon; blood, bone and bits of brain matter had spattered all over the floor, wall, counter, and console of his instrument of destruction.  
  
The bounty hunter returned his rifle to his sling. "I never liked him anyway," he said at last.  
  
But before Lola had a chance to speak, she heard a crashing sound behind her. She whirled around to see Tobor leaning down, his immense photocell eyes glowing red. "You killed my master," it intoned. "You must die!" Although Fett pointed his left wrist at it, and fired a laser that was mounted on his gauntlet, the beastly metal behomoth was unfazed by the attack. It merely picked up the bounty hunter, as easily as a child might pick up a plastic action figure in a Metalunian toy shop, and lifted him far into the air. Lola saw his legs struggling, but he was helpless- his arms were effectively pinioned at his sides, making it impossible to use his jetpack, gauntlets, or even his rifle. "Will squeeze like grape!" Tobor roared.  
  
"I must DO something!" Lola told herself desperately. But WHAT? She wondered. She didn't have a blaster; she didn't have a weapon of any kind! But wait! She had her knife...  
  
What in the galaxy could she do with her knife, though? She thought furiously. There was an old story, a myth from classic times... about the invincible warrior Akillas and his heel. The robot monster, she noticed, in keeping with the crudity of its construction, had enormous wire tendons running up its legs. "Holy craters!" she exclaimed. It could JUST WORK!  
  
Plucking her knife out of her boot, Lola darted up to Tobor's leg and with a swift, sure movement, slashed the wires in two. At first she wondered if it would do anything- for the monster just stood there. Finally, with a bellow, and the ponderous creak of dying machinery, it began to fall over, slowly and majestically- rather like a thousand-year- old tree at last felled by the axe. She screamed and started running for her life- if she didn't make it out the way in time, she would be crushed like a bug! Then it would be goodbye, Lola Luscious!  
  
Suddenly, someone caught her by her armpits and lifted her in the air. She glanced behind her. It was Boba Fett, with his jetpack roaring behind him. For a moment, she felt inexplicably happy. So Tobor hadn't squeezed him like a grape after all! She was about to say something as they flew out through a hole in the roof, but at that second the robot finally crashed, with a massive thunderous boom. There was then a huge white-hot fireball of an explosion- the force of which sent them hurtling through the air until they both finally- and painfully collided with the hard-packed dirt of the field outside. In frozen silence, Fett and Lola watched the ancient Tau Cetian bowling alley- and with it, Zarth Arne's laboratory and dreams of galactic destruction- burn to the ground.  
  
At some point, Lola became conscious of Fett's body on top of her. Her face flamed as she felt his hands still loosely clasping her arms, his muscular legs straddling hers, and his armored torso crushing against the small of her back. "Excuse me," she said breathlessly. "But you're, uh..."  
  
"Umm. Yes." With an air of something almost approaching embarrassment, the bounty hunter quickly disentangled himself from her and stood up. Lola pulled herself up, although she still felt her heart beating fast from the close contact. "You saved my life," she said at last.  
  
"You saved mine." His posture suddenly rigid, he began to brush the dirt off of himself. "Now there is no debt between us."  
  
Her sapphire blue eyes flashed. "Debt? Is that all you can think about?"  
  
The bounty hunter didn't answer her question. He only said, in that strange, flat voice of his: "Do you know how many people would have paid to see that robot crush me?"  
  
"Quite a few I imagine," said Lola. Blushing, confused, she stared at the scuffed toes of her boots. "But I'm not one of them."  
  
There was a long pause. "Then I should thank you," he said at last.  
  
He thanked me, she thought in amazement. He actually thanked me! For a man like that, it almost seemed a sign of monumental thaw. "You're out of 300,000 credits, though," she couldn't help saying. "Aren't you sorry about that?"  
  
"There will be other bounties." Coolly, he adjusted his utility belt. "Let me take you back to your ship."  
  
"You don't have to. I can find my own way-"  
  
"I'm sure you can. But consider it a favor."  
  
As Lola peered at him, she found herself, despite everything, smiling. "Well, then. If you like."  
  
Together, in companionable silence, they made their way back through the mist-shrouded forests, mountains and meadows to Lola's spaceship, the K.I.T.T.Y. II. After they finally reached it, Fett turned to her. She only expected him to say good-bye and leave; so when he put out his hand, she was so surprised that she actually took it. As they shook, Fett said, "It's been good meeting you, Lola Lushik."  
  
Her mouth felt dry as stared at him, at the strange, gray impenetrable face of his helmet, as she clasped his gloved hand. A peculiar dizzy sensation overcame her, as she felt the heat of the flesh under his thick glove pressing firmly into her palm. "And it's been good meeting you, Boba Fett."  
  
"I don't suppose we'll meet again."  
  
"You never know," she said nervously. "Life can be pretty odd sometimes."  
  
"That's very true." He paused. "And it's a small galaxy."  
  
A sudden urge to burst into laughter came over Lola. "I take it you're not referring to the Smaller Gamellanic Cloud?"  
  
"No," he said.  
  
With that strange, studied gallantry he possessed, he inclined his head towards her for one last time. Without another word, he turned around and walked back into the dense stand of ongon pines. Her eyes glistening, she watched him until he at last disappeared into the fog.  
  
Sighing deeply, her breasts heaving with an emotion too deep to name, Lola then hit the buttons on her wrist-set to open the door of her ship. After the gangplank lowered, she strode up into the K.I.T.T.Y.'s welcoming interior, unaware of the masked pair of eyes that were intently fixed upon her until she too vanished from view. 


	5. Alas for the mysterious workings of fate

"Majordomo plastic como Barbarella she's so fine/ Progenectic que electric Barbarella she's all mine/ My pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty Barbarella..." -Duran Duran  
  
Lola stood in the shower, twisting under the hot jets of water and luxuriating in her favorite lavender-scented bath gel. Usually, after a mission, she was singing, carefree and happy that she had once more finished a job well done, but now… now…  
  
"Holy craters," she murmured, as turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She wrapped the towel under her heaving bosom and turned the hairdryer onto her damp untamed tawny mane. She thought of how she sat in the bathroom, happily daydreaming… was it only yesterday? How simple her emotions were before this topsy-turvy mishap of a mission happened! She set the hairdryer down and wandered out into the main cabin. With a deep sigh, she sat down on her chaise longue, and put her head in her hands.  
  
"You are strangely quiet, Lola," K.I.T.T.Y. said. "Did your mission go as expected?"  
  
"I-" Lola covered her mouth with a delicate white hand, her beautiful, long-lashed eyes suddenly brimming with tears. "Oh, K.I.T.T.Y! Nothing went as expected. In fact- I- I- shall never be the same again!"  
  
"Are you ill? Perhaps we should find a medical transport before we return to Metaluna."  
  
"A doctor will do nothing for me, K.I.T.T.Y. My suffering surpasses the bounds of medical science! I-" Her voice broke off, as she gazed out into the countless multitude of stars beyond her ship's portal. "I met someone, and I-"  
  
"And?" K.I.T.T.Y. softly prompted.  
  
Lola leaned against the ledge of the portal. "It's just that I might not ever see him again. Or I might... I just don't know. I don't know anything..." She sighed again helplessly.  
  
"I'm afraid I cannot help you, Lola. I am only a companion computer fluent in over seven million forms of psychological analysis. I know nothing of human emotions."  
  
"That's fine, K.I.T.T.Y. I don't expect you to help me. There are just some things I need to figure out for myself." And with that, Lola fell again into silence. With a bittersweet stirring in her heart, she watched the dazzling pattern of constellations unfold before her, and pondered the unknowable mechanisms of fate. 


End file.
